As
I was walking around the mall, I realized one thing. It was that less and less
people come out of their private lounges to enjoy the therapy strolling in the
mall causes. But again, who am I to judge their choice in living when I myself
have spent a few weeks at home relying on the internet to keep me going.
As much as I would want to disagree
on the overwhelming number of people using then internet as a source of
merchandise shopping, I can’t help but somehow nod their way and say, “I feel
you” because I genuinely do.
I was in the hospital for almost two
weeks due to medical conditions I would rather not make public. After getting
out, I had to stay on house arrest so my residential nurse also known as mom
can observe me before letting me return to my usual ways. Because I was so
deprived of my routines like going out with my friends, drinking with my
officemates and shopping, I had so little source of happiness and strength in
me. My condition required complete isolation. My family insisted that it was
for the best but I frankly just think they would rather not have to deal with
outsiders monitoring my progress that adds to the pressure of them making sure
I get well in time for their flight back to L.A. The least they could do was
offer me access to the internet with certain limits including posting only
pictures with no relation to my condition and not entertaining questions from
my friends that would make them worry about me. I understood it completely but
it wasn’t easy especially for a camw**** like me.
The internet became my confidante
next to my eldest sister who stood by me all throughout my hospitalization. My
sickness caused me to lose a lot of weight. A lot more than what I wanted to
since I’ve been a little obese all my life. So before I was brought out of the
hospital, it was noticeable how badly I needed to get new set of clothes. My
parents knew how essential it was so they let me shop online with their credit
card with a reasonable but unexpectedly large limit. Since I wanted a reason to
get out right after I was dismissed, I didn’t buy many clothes online and
instead used my accumulated money left to buy from Lazada Philippines. They
couldn’t blame me since I have never been this slender so it was practical to
get familiar with my size by actually trying clothes out before purchasing in
bulks. For a long time, online shopping made me feel contented with how things
were going for me. It filled a void nothing else could do. I know it sounds
materialistic but apart from everything that was happening to me, the gadgets,
books and clothes I bought were the only things left I still had control over.
It was something I knew no one could ever take away. No matter how messed up
life ends up for me.
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